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Le manifeste des célibataires - Singles Manifesto

samedi 30 novembre 2013, par anonyme (Date de rédaction antérieure : 30 novembre 2013).

Nous célibataires, avons trop longtemps vécu sous la domination de la majorité, celle des personnes vivant dans le mariage ou équivalent. Trop longtemps, nous avons obéi aux traditions qui ont été faite par et pour les personnes mariées. Trop longtemps, sous l’impulsion de gens mariés, nous avons renoncé à notre propre sexualité et nous avons accepté la morale sexuelle de cette majorité qui nie nos droits sexuels complets.

Dans l’idéologie sexuelle de la majorité, constituée par les gens vivant maritalement, il faut avoir des relations sexuelles uniquement avec un partenaire que l’on aime. Selon la morale sexuelle de cette majorité, le sexe sans amour est interdit.

Cette morale est destinée à protéger leur mariage en interdisant aux célibataires d’avoir des relations sexuelles occasionnelles, car dangereuses pour leur mariage, toute relation sexuelle occasionnelle pouvant devenir amour.

Si nous, les célibataires, acceptons la morale sexuelle de la majorité vivant maritalement, c’est-à-dire si nous nous interdisons toute relation sexuelle sans amour, alors nous nous condamnons à la chasteté à vie.

Si quelqu’un savait traduire en français le manifeste ci-dessous, qu’il mette cette traduction en commentaire. Merci.


Singles Manifesto

http://singlesmanifesto.org

In Swedish : http://singlesmanifesto.org/singlarnasmanifest.htm

In Finnish : http://singlesmanifesto.org/sinkkumanifesti.htm

Too long time we singles have been living under the rule of the majority, under the majority of the people living in relationships. Too long time have we lived obeying the traditions in the world which has been made for married people. Too long time we have given up our own sexuality for the shake of married people and we have accepted majority’s sexual moral and sexual ideology which denies us our full sexual rights.

Time has come for us to take a different path in our life than the married people. Time has come for us to recognize we need two different kind of sexual moralities for two groups of people, for the singles and for people in relationships. The married people should have their own sexual morality and we singles should construct our own morality which is suited for our own lifestyle and can fulfill our sexual needs as optimally as possible. Time has come for to recognize that we singles are a minority and we have full right to live our lives according to our minority’s own rules.

A single is a person who does not live in a love relationship. If a single will have sex she cannot have sex with a person she loves. Sex of singles are loveless sex. It is sex in a “friends of benefits relations” – or it is sex with casual partners. This kind of loveless sex does not fit in to the sexual morality of the sexual majority. In the sexual ideology of the sexual majority one should have sex only with a partner who one loves ? According to majority’s sexual moral loveless sex is forbidden, it is wrong kind of sex. If we singles accept this rule of sex only in love relationships, we singles condemn ourselves to lifelong celibacy. We must live our lives without sex if we accept the moral rule of the sexual majority : “If you want to have sex you must first find a partner and begin a romantic relationship”.

Denying singles the right to have sex is partly due to long traditions. In the past it was common to discriminate against minorities without any inhibitions. In the past world the majority, people living in marriages, used their supremacy as boldly as they will. During the history those single people who broke the rule of obligatory celibacy were penalized harshly. Sex outside the marriage or casual sex were punished by stoning to death, by throwing in to jail, burning at the stake, marked by burning with hot iron, by stigmatizing, by diagnosing the as mentally ill, diagnosing them as mentally retarded, by closing them in to mental asylums. Even today sex outside marriage is a forbidden in the law in many countries.

Today legal restrictions against sex outside marriage or romantic relations are diminished, but loveless sex is still strongly restricted by informal social control. Especially casual sex of women is still strongly stigmatized and mater of strict social control. If a women has too many casual sex partners in casual relations she most probably will meet informal social sanctions by surrounding people. She will be targeted by nasty rumors and speech and she will be socially isolated, ostracized. She will lose her reputation. Loosing ones reputation can cause severe social consequences in woman’s life. Breaking the rules of sexual morality can cause serious trouble for women even in modern society. This is because of informal social control of sexuality is the main form of sexual control in our society today.

The social condemnation of women’s casual sexual relations has its origin in the majority’s, married people’s sexual morality. This majority’s morality is indoctrinated even to us singles. Even we singles think that this moral rule, which condemns women’s casual sexual relations and women’s loveless sex is an universal truth, given to us, given by the Good or our biological inheritance and is carved to stone and will stay forever, this rule is still a social construction, made and maintained by living real people in our society. There are among us real living individuals, persons, who actively produce and maintain these moral conceptions and they see as their task to make other people internalize these important moral principles of sexual morality. And especially they are concerned that young girls should internalize these restrictive sexual principles. We recognize these sexual moral crusaders in religious circles but there are also exactly the same kind of moral crusaders in non-religious circles taking care of maintenance of majority’s monogamous moral principles. Also non-religious people hold the moral conception that there is something basically wrong in loveless sex and in casual sex.

In the ideological fight for the monogamous sex and against casual sex we can distinguish at least these heavy weight common non-religious claims, which are purely ideological claims, actually nonsense, but are used as rational or even as scientific claims :

• Casual sex causes psychological traumas for women and is dangerous for women’s mental health.

• If a woman has casual sexual partners it is a sign of mental illness or of mental pathology.

• If a woman has casual sexual partners it is a sign of that the woman has experienced sexual abuse in her childhood or is offer of incest.

• Casual sex is bundled with pedophilia and sexual abuse of children.

• Casual sex is bundled with illicit drugs, drug addiction, substance abuse, illegal drug trade, alcoholism, criminal lifestyle and even organized crime.

• Casual sex is dangerous, and can easily lead to violence, rape and even homicide.

• Casual sex is abuse of women. A women who have casual sex with men subordinates herself and casual sex is a sign the women has lost control of her life and her self-respcet and in her despair seek acceptance and help of men by letting men exploit and abuse her.

The aim of these kinds of allegations is to prove that loveless sex and casual sexual relations are behaviors only common among deviant individuals. Ordinary men or women do not take part to these kind of sexual relation – only individuals who have some psychological problems, or who are marginalized or who are otherwise different from normal people do these things and do not follow the rule to have sex only in love relations.

These are claims which are often repeated in public discourse. They have no basis in medical science, in psychology or they are not supported by any research. They are propaganda produced by majority, people living in families, and their goal is to restrict sexuality of singles. If some representative of medical, psychological or academic sciences will make public these views we should complain to her background scientific organizations and crave sanctions of this kind of hate speech against singles and against our sexual rights. The sexuality of singles has been prohibited for so long time there are lots of traditional features embedded in our culture which still hinder singles possibilities to equal sexuality. If you think that sexuality of the singles are in any way worse or secondary in nature compared to sex in love relationships, if you are ashamed of your one-night sexual adventures, so these is only a signs of this burden of the past - from the time only sex in marriages were proper kind of sexuality. We still have this way of thinking that the best form of living for a person is marriage, and singles are group of people who have not succeeded to get married in their lives. In the same way singles’ loveless sex is seen as only a poor surrogate compared to sex in love relationships. We have to remember that we self decide which kind of life is best and most suitable for us, and we self decide which kind of sexuality is best for us. It is our own decision.

Different kind moral principles for different groups of people

In a modern society we accept that different kind of religious and ethnical groups follow different kind of sexual morals. Why should we crave that a group of people, singles, should follow the same rules of sexual morality as married people do ?

If we see casual sex or sex without love through the eyes of married people we do not need any casual sex. If you live in a committed relationship there is no need to any casual sexual relations. On the contrary : If you are married you should be faithful and not fall to adultery. Casual sex is a violation against your relationship, it is betrayal of your partner and it is a realistic threat to you marriage. We know well by experience that every extra marital affair can possibly destroy your marriage because new sexual encounters can lead to beginning of a new love relationship. You partner would find a new love partner and abandon you.

We understand and accept that married people will have a strong moral code which strictly condemns extramarital relations, adultery and casual sexual encounters outside marriage. We accept that all married people follow these moral rules and we understand that married people except that all married people follow these rules without exceptions. If people have chosen to live in a committed relationship they have accepted these moral rulings and they should obey them. And other people living in committed relationships have the right to socially punish and morally condemn those married people who deviate from these moral rules. But from the viewpoint of singles, we strongly emphasis that these moral restrictions should be restricted solely to persons living in committed relationships. These moral rules should not be the rules of people living alone. The majority have not the right to push their moral rules and restrictions over the singles.

Majority, people in romantic relationships, do not want to give singles their sexual freedom. This is because people living in marriages are afraid of singles, they are afraid that if there are lots of casual sex in society it will make easy for husbands to betray their wives. If these single men and women refused to live in celibacy and daily or in weekends would fill the bars and openly seek casual sex partners, this would be a temptation for men living in marriage. The sexuality majority thinks that it is right to prevent married man to betray their wives by a massive prohibition against single people’s casual sex. They think that it’s right because they are the majority and to single people are the minority.

But is it right ?

Why should I, as a single, be forced to live in celibacy only because to protect your marriage ? Is it my task to take care of that your husband is faithful to you ?

“It’s not my business to take care of your marriage, it’s your business.If your spouse is not faithful to you it’s yours business”.

Majority claims : There are no singles !

The married majority claims that everyone should follow the sexual moral rules of the married people, because they do not recognize the existence of singles’ minority. They claim there are no singles ; there are only people who have not jet found their marital spouse. A single is not a real single, but in principle a married person who is just temporary without a spouse. And because a single is in principle a married person she should follow the moral rules of married people. Many singles accept intuitively this idea, and they see themselves as a member of married peoples group and this is why they are willing to accept sexual restrictions of married people in their own lives. That is their choice. But not all singles identifies themselves as member of the group of married people. They identify themselves as singles. They feel that a life of a single is their actual choice in the current phase of their lives ; or they feel or know they will never marry or start a committed relation.

Nowadays 20 – 30 % of populations in industrialized countries are singles. In Taiwan, South-Korea and Japan in the younger age-groups 40 – 60 % of the population are singles. Maybe in the near future singles are majority in many countries.

There is conflict of interest between singles and family people. It would be ideal for family people if all sex would take place in romantic relationships, or in situations when two people are beginning a romantic relation. Ideal for people living in families would be that all single people lived in celibacy. Singles interest would be that also loveless sex would be equally accepted form of sexuality as sex in love relationships. Many singles have already abandoned the traditional sexual morality and do not let it prevent them to freely have sexual relations in their lives. But from the majority of family people keep still a strong pressure against sexual equality and freedom of single people. We singles should take lessons from other sexual minorities, and be aware of that we are same manner discriminated against as other sexual minorities and realize that without any resistance and without saying out and laud NO, the pressure of the majority will always restrict our sexual freedom. Although, we must keep in mind that the majority cannot chain our freedom if we only consciously refuse to obey to majority’s discriminating rules.

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